And, now he is 17.

On this, the first day of the last year of my precious son’s childhood, I am awash with memories…

Giving him a bath with the bathroom sink as his tub…staring into his huge periwinkle blue eyes as I fed him…the way he smelled wearing his terry-cloth footie pajamas...how he would “talk” to the handle of his Graco swing, as he rocked for hours…how he sang to “his baby Emi Kat”…this time he proudly told me that he had finally mastered the scissors all by himself, displaying the clouds he had cut out from his bed sheet...

Westley, age 4: “Mommy, you are so MEAN! You’re like a – a – Wicked WITCH!!”
Me: “Well, maybe you should pour a glass of water on me, and I might melt away.”
Westley: “You’re too mean to melt!”

The green toy plastic rake he carried everywhere…the little plastic Pegasus with the chewed up horn in his pocket (that I still have in my jewelry box)…the time he brought a chicken bone in his pocket from last night’s dinner for Show and Tell…the year he WAS Batman. I mean it – For. An. Entire. Year. I was so terrified he’d try to scale the side of the house and slide down….

Preschool teacher: “Westley, what do you want to be when you grow up?”
Westley: “Well, maybe a paleontologist or a fireman. But, I have to stay with my Mommy, or she will be sad. So, I can’t live at the firehouse. So, probably a paleontologist. But, with a dog.”

In elementary school, he had a homework envelope to turn in every Monday. He got a prize ticket if his parent had signed the envelope. One week, I received a note in the envelope from the teacher, telling me that she thought he might have forgotten to get my signature the previous Monday. When I looked at the list of dates and signatures on the front of the oversized envelope, I saw what she had meant. My son had forged my name. I knew this, because there in big, bold, D'Nealian Script, I saw my name: MOM.

Westley, age 13: “Mom, would I get into trouble if I got into a fight at school because I had to protect someone?”
Me: “There is zero tolerance for violence at school, so I hope you can find another way to help your friend. I know I have always told you to stand up for people who need help, but if you get suspended or expelled, I won’t be able to do anything about it – and, that’s your future at stake.”

Westley: “I know. I was just checking to see if you would be mad if I had to punch someone or something.”

Forcing him to go to one awards assembly, the last one of middle school…and beaming with pride as he received his Honor Roll and Promotion certificates. Laughing when he told me to enjoy it, because he was never going to another one of “these stupid things again.”
I asked, “What about high school graduation?”
“We’ll see,” he replied.

He wears shorts everyday of his life. “Mom, can you iron my funeral clothes? I have to give a presentation at school.” He meant his sole pair of khaki pants and a shirt with a collar.

Westley, a sophomore: “Mom, can you sign this stuff? I want to take a class at American River College.”

We enjoy political, moral, theological, philosophical, historical, and other esoteric conversations for hours. Our weekly Real Time with Bill Maher viewings. He is the smartest kid I know – more thoughtful and intelligent than many adults, in fact. But, he flies under the radar, moving along quietly, knowing who he is – but uninterested in impressing anyone or conforming to anything.

This kid is now 17, and I am more amazed by him every day. My heart wells with so much love and pride, I feel I might burst. He has taught me at least as much as I have taught him.
And, now he is 17.

25 Random Thoughts...

I love quoteable quotes. And, I love non-quoteable quotes even more. You know, the ones that allows people to say something they couldn't possibly say themselves...under the cover of someone else's name...

Anyway, this week I thought I would share some random quotes from my collection with you. Enjoy!

1. “To be successful you have to be dumb enough to think you can change the world and smart enough to know how.” – Clint Borgen.

2. "Character, in great and little things, means carrying through what you feel able to do.” - Goethe, 1749-1832

3. "Everyone should have an evil secret plan..." - Denis Leary

4. “It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change.” - Charles Darwin

5. “Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” – Mark Twain

6. "Anyone can become angry-that is easy, but to become angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way-that is not easy." - Aristotle

7. "More fun than a barrel of monkeys." Has anyone ever stopped to think how cranky, if not downright vicious, a barrelful of monkeys would be, especially once released from the barrel?” - Tom Shales

8. “I wanted a perfect ending. Now I’ve learned, the hard way, that some poems don’t rhyme, and some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what’s going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity.” – Gilda Radner

9. “No one dances sober, unless he is insane.” - Cicero

10. “You have been my friend. That in itself is a tremendous thing. I wove my webs for you because I liked you. After all, what’s a life, anyway? We’re born, we live a little while, we die. A spider’s life can’t help being something of a mess, with all this trapping and eating flies. By helping you, perhaps I was trying to lift up my life a trifle. Heaven knows anyone’s life can stand a little of that.” - Charlotte, Charlotte’s Web by E.B. White

11. "I believe in a reasonable amount of "right to bear arms". But private citizens of the United States are not allowed to own nuclear weapons. I always wanted a nuclear weapon, if I could have gotten one. I'm every other kind of power, but I'm not a nuclear power." – Ted Turner

12. "I'm actually pale blue. It takes me a week of sunbathing to turn white." - Billy Connolly

13. “I wish I could think of a positive point to leave you with. Will you take two negative points?” - Woody Allen

14. “Success is going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.” - Sir Winston Churchill

15. “I don't intend to offend; I just offend with my intent.” - Anthrax, Sound of White Noise

16. “Grown-ups never understand anything by themselves, and it is tiresome for children to be always and forever explaining things to them.” - Antoine de Saint-Exupery

17. “I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.” - Katherine Cebrian

18. “If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is ‘God is crying.’ And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is ‘Probably because of something you did.’" – Jack Handey

19. “Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square hole. The ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can’t do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.” — Apple Computer Inc.

20. "We've done a terrible thing."
"Yes, if only there was some magical liquid that could erase bad memories..."
- Alan and Charlie, in the bar, "Two and a Half Men"

21. “If you are completely buried in an avalanche, dig a small hole around you and spit in it. The saliva will fall down, giving you an idea of which direction is up. Dig up.” - A survival tip from the "Worst Case Scenario" calendar

22. "May you come to the attention of the authorities." - Ancient Chinese curse

23. "Laughter is the music of life.” - Sir William Osler

24. "My religion is very simple, my religion is kindness." - Dalai Lama

25. Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum videtur (anything said in Latin sounds profound).

I've Never Been More Proud

The Angst-less Generation

My children are of the Gen Y, or Millennial, Generation. This past week has been full of proof.

The Millennials tend to exhibit great familiarity and comfort with digital technology, media, and communications. They are also beginning to exhibit, on the whole, a marked increase in a neoliberal view of the world - including social issues, politics, and the economy. Basically, that means they believe the world is small and connected, that people should make as much money as they can, and that they should believe in whatever they want - as long as their actions are responsible, fair, respectful, and green. And they can do it all right from their keyboard, remote control, or cell phone.

On Monday and Tuesday combined, I spent about 6 or 7 hours trying to set up Webcam chat capability so we would be able to 'be there' in Morocco with my husband's family.

Now, I consider myself to be pretty computer savvy...I can restore a computer's system to a previous date, I am comfortable with most Office programs to the degree that many people as me for assistance when they are 'stuck,' I can selectively delete cookies, and I have even completely reformatted a hard drive or two. I was frustrated and utterly dismayed that I was unable to set up the chat. Every piece of advice I received online or from friends instructed me to click on links I couldn't even find. Bizarre.

My daughter happened to walk in the room as I was about to use the computer's cord as a noose, and I jokingly suggested she fix the problem. She shrugged, and said, "Ok." She walked over, tappety-tapped on the keyboard for about 20 seconds - and the screen filled with a working Webcam chat screen, and the speakers echoed me squawking, "How did you do that???!"

"It's not rocket science," she replied. Indeed.

My son and I have been conversing off and on all week on the topic of his generation and the fact that they have seemingly developed no discernable 'style' of their own. We all know what the styles of the 50's, 60's, and 70's looked, sounded, and even smelled like. The 80's absolutely had a style, a sound, and a feeling recognizeable on sight. What other decade has produced a definable genre lable like "The 80's Movies?"

The almost-seventeen-year-old wants to know what his generation will be remembered for. Dress styles are a mish-mash of previous decades. The best music is old music - or new music 'in the style of' the past. He said, "Are we really going to use something from Britney or Justin Bieber as our generation's anthem? Really?" This came up last night as we were settled in front of the TV, having enjoyed the season premier of Real Time with Bill Maher (a standing weekly "date" we share during the show's season), and were now watching Nirvana: Live at Reading on DVD.

We were doing the usual music-video conversation stuff; you know, the "Oh, that song is one of my favorites," comments, foot-tapping, and belting out the odd lyric. I mentioned that I couldn't even imagine sitting down and thoroughly enjoying a concert with my parents, and that I'm pretty sure they wouldn't enjoy sharing their music with someone from my grandparent's generation, either.

Thus, the discussion regarding Gen Y's lack of artistic distinction. Exploring the subject, I asked him what the theme of Nirvana, U2 and other alternative-grunge-ska-rock-punk greats from the 80's and 90's was. What makes us respond to them, feel with them, and call them the Real Thing? And, conversely, what are Bieber and his ilk missing?

In a word, Angst.

Gen X was the latch-key kid; Gen Y is driven door-to-door everywhere they go. I don't remember having Game Night with my parents....but it is a common happening in our house now. Broken homes for the Gen X'er meant you never saw the 'other' parent...Gen Y spends equal time with both parents. Millennials were born into child-proofed environments, have 24/7 entertainment, and have been encouraged to think for themselves and speak up. Kids from Generation X learned not to touch the hot stove by getting burnt the first time...

My son said, "See?! It's our parent's fault we have no soul....You made our lives too easy! People like Kurt Cobain baecame who they were because of their struggles!" So, it is always the parent's fault, isn't it? Oh, my....

So, I make an open apology to the new generation: "I am sorry we made you feel safe. I am sorry you weren't left alone. I apologize that we worked so hard to not punish you for our mistakes, that we sucked up our own feelings and made sure your self-image wasn't damaged when we fell out of love with your other parent. But, you don't really want to end up like Kurt, Hendrix, or MJ, do you?

"You see, I disagree that we took your soul. We have allowed you to find a new voice; one that doesn't require sex, drugs, and rock and roll to express. One that sees the world as a smaller place. One that sees all people as equal; with equal rights and responsibilities. You do have an opportunity to make a mark on history. You have a unique perspective of a new millennium, a century that you can shape any way you choose. It needn't be defined by how wide or narrow your jeans legs are, how straight or curly your hair is, or by the pain in your music lyrics.

"Gen Y can define the world by making the previous generation's dreams come true...Equality. Tolerance. Justice. Responsibility. Health. Peace. You understand the importance of these things; perhaps more clearly than any previous generation.

"You can end hunger and war. You can open dialog that will enhance cultural understanding and respect. You can save the environment. You can find balance in the economy.

"And you can do all of it with just a few tappity-taps of your keyboard. This is true art, and nobility of soul."

After all, it's not rocket science.

Books, the BBC, and Other Things I Have Loved in 2010

You will have to excuse me...I haven't been writing lately. Also, I failed to meet my 100-book goal for 2010. Why, you ask?

No, it isn't because of school. I completed my MBA in September, and up until that point I was on track with 77 pleasure-books read and posting in my blog more-or-less regularly. Work travel? Nope, I have been in my office, working just 8 hour days since the spring.

So, why have I become so neglectful of my commitments? Because I have become distracted by new lovers. There, I said it. It can happen to anyone, and it happened to me...and here I will confess the sordid tale of my 3 new paramours:

1. Purging and Organizing and Generally Retaking Control of My Queendom. My freedom from school and work travel has allowed me to finally notice the MESS my home has become over the last few years. The Villagers in my domain are messy, hoarding souls with no sense of organization. Our nutrition during their rule has consisted mainly of that which can be brought home already prepared in a paper bag. My education and work constraints required me to avert my eyes from the disaster as it formed. Once I refocused, I have needed to repair the chaos, including an 8 hour battle to find the floor of my garage. This war is still a work in process, as the Villagers resist the changes, but I remain convinced I will ultimately prevail.
2. Becoming a Free Believer. I am undergoing a personal transformation. I have spent the last 20 years painfully unlearning and trying to let go of the first 20 years of my life. It left me at a bit of a loss, and I began to fill that place with aggressively trying to convert others to see things my way. However, as I discovered, those actions did not bring me peace. I found myself railing, "Hello, there. I am trying to see things from your point of view. So, tell me...just how did you get your head stuck up there?" This method, most surprisingly, was unbeneficial to me trying to be open, accepting of all beliefs, and loving - as much as it hindered others from opening their eyes to seeing the Truths that I can now see. You see, I was ironically becoming what I had worked so hard to remove myself from. In the midst of my recognizing that I needed change, and with Thanks to a dear life-long friend, I discovered The Free Believers Network. I am now at the beginning of a new life-cycle in discovering the love and peace of God. I still see Truth as proven facts, and eschew dogma, laws, and lies designed to move the masses to assist the elite...but I am finding a new way to live personally within it. I am not a Christian, Hindu, Muslim, Buddhist, or Jew - and yet I am all these things. I am learning the spirit of Namaste. Therefore, a reason I have not written in a long time is because I am learning a new, gentler voice. And a large reason my for-pure-pleasure-reading has dropped off is due to study of this new way of living and being.
3. NetFlix, Wii, and the BBC. Ohmigod. Obsession times a trillion. I have never been a gamer or a TV watcher. Perhaps because I never learned the habits in my childhood, or perhaps because it all has seemed such drivel compared to the joys of reading. No matter; it has changed with the advent of Wii and NetFlix! Super Mario Brothers has given me thumb-blisters. I exercise until my hair is soaked with perspiration on WiiFit. And NetFlix streaming into my TV via the Wii????! Where I can choose my poison? I am lost....80's movies with my daughter (isn't it grand she loves them as much as I do?); real horror movies with both kids, such as The Shining, It, and The (original) Exorcist; Elizabeth Taylor as Cleopatra; period movies and subtitled movies like Breakfast at Tiffany's, Dangerous Beauty and Jodhaa Akbar; Michael Moore, History Channel, and National Geographic documentaries....and the pièce de résistance? The BBC. Oh, how I love the BBC mini series! Jane Eyre, Middlemarch, Sissi, A Man for all Seasons, and so many more! Can I count the movies based on classic books as books read? No, I suppose not.

So, you see why I have been lax. But, I have read some wonderful books! Below is the list of the Books I Have Loved in 2010. Check them out - all 96 books are all well worth the read.

1. Anonymous, Primary Colors
2. Tate Halloway, Dead if I Do (Garnet Lacy, #4)
3. Terry Garey, A Match Made in Hell (Nikki Styx, #2)
4. Kathy Reichs, 206 Bones (Tempe Brennan, #12)
5. Anya Seton, Katherine
6. Thomas Perry, Runner (Jane Whitfield, #6)
7. Carola Dunn, The Winter Garden Mystery (Daisy Dalrymple, #2)
8. Deanna Raybourn, Silent in the Sanctuary (Lady Julia Grey, #2)
9. Julie Kramer, Stalking Susan
10. Barbara Seranella, Unfinished Business (Munch Mancini, #4)
11. Robert Everz, Burning Garbo (Nina Zero, #3)
12. Gregory Maguire, Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West
13. C.J. Sansom, Dissolution: A Novel of Tudor England (Matthew Shardlake, #1)
14. Michael Byrnes, The Sacred Bones
15. Elaine Viets, The Fashion Hound Murders (Josie Marcus, #5)
16. Elaine Viets, Killer Cuts (Dead End Jobs, #8)
17. Josephine Tey, Brat Farrar
18. Michelle Moran, Nefertiti
19. Kimberly Raye, Your Coffin or Mine? (Dead End Dating, #3)
20. Carola Dunn, Requiem for a Mezzo (Daisy Dalrymple, #3)
21. Gregory Maguire, Mirror, Mirror
22. Julie Powell, Julie & Julia
23. Stephanie Bond, Body Movers
24. C.J. Sansom, Dark Fire (Matthew Shardlake, #2)
25. Jane Austin & Seth Graham-Smith, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies
26. Don Winslow, California Fire and Life
27. Barak Obama, The Audacity of Hope
28. C.J. Sansom, Sovereign (Matthew Shardlake, #3)
29. Barbara Seranella, No Man Standing (Munch Mancini, #5)
30. Barbara Seranella, Unpaid Dues (Munch Mancini, #6)
31. Yann Martel, The Life of Pi
32. Nancy Martin, Our Lady of Immaculate Deception (Roxy Abruzzo, #1)
33. Carola Dunn, Murder on the Flying Scotsman (Daisy Dalrymple, #4)
34. Laurie Notaro, Spooky Little Girl
35. John Faunce, Lucrezia Borgia
36. Colin Cotterill, Disco for the Departed (Dr. Siri, #3)
37. Alison Weir, Mary, Queen of Scots and the Murder of Lord Darnley
38. Sandra Gulland, The Many Lives and Secret Sorrows of Josephine B. (Josephine Bonaparte Trilogy, #1)
39. Stephen Evens, The Marriage of True Minds
40. Candace Bushnell, Sex and the City
41. Alison Weir, Eleanor of Aquitaine
42. Mary Janice Davidson, Undead and Unwelcome (Queen Betsy, #8)
43. Anthology, My Little Red Book
44. Harley Jane Kozak, A Date You Can’t Refuse (Wollie Shelley, #4)
45. Fatima Mernissi, Islam and Democracy: Fear of the Modern World
46. Sandra Gulland, Tales of Passion, Tales of Woe (Josephine B. Trilogy, #2)
47. Sandra Gulland, The Last Great Dance on Earth (Josephine B. Trilogy, #3)
48. Carola Dunn, Damsel in Distress (Daisy Dalrymple, #5)
49. Michelle Moran, The Heretic Queen
50. Charlaine Harris, Dead in the Family (Sookie Stackhouse, #10)
51. Jeanne Kalogridis, The Borgia Bride
52. Barbara Seranella, Unwilling Accomplice (Munch Mancini, #7)
53. Zoe Ferraris, Finding Nouf
54. Alison Weir, The Children of Henry VIII
55. Gregory Maguire, Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister
56. Cara Black, Murder in Monmarte (Aimee Leduc, #6)
57. Carola Dunn, Dead in the Water (Daisy Dalrymple, #6)
58. Michael Byrnes, The Sacred Blood (Charlotte Hennessy, #2)
59. Barack Obama, Dreams from My Father
60. Terri Garey, You’re the One That I Haunt (Nikki Styx, #3)
61. Barbara Seranella, An Unacceptable Death (Munch Mancini, #8)
62. Diana Joseph, I’m Sorry You Feel that Way: The Astonishing but True Story of a Daughter, Sister, Slut, Wife, Mother and Friend to Man and Dog
63. Diane Johnson, Lulu in Marrakech
64. Sophie Littlefield, A Bad Day for Sorry (Stella Hardesty, #1)
65. Kate Jacobs, The Friday Night Knitting Club (Knitting Club, #1)
66. Janet Evanovich, Sizzling Sixteen (Stephanie Plum)
67. Carola Dunn, Styx and Stones (Daisy Dalrymple, #7)
68. Frank Philippi Ryan, Prime Time (Charlotte McNally, #1)
69. Sandra Gulland, Mistress of the Sun
70. Cara Black, Murder on the Ill Saint-Louis (Aimee Leduc, #7)
71. Maureen Johnson, 13 Little Blue Envelopes
72. Justin Halpern, Sh*t My Dad Says
73. Antonia Frasier, Marie Antoinette
74. Carola Dunn, Rattle His Bones (Daisy Dalrymple, #8)
75. Laurie R. King, The God of the Hive (Mary Russell, #10)
76. Frank Philippi Ryan, Face Time (Charlotte McNally, #2)
77. Ruth Downie, Medicus
78. Carolyn Haines, Bone Appetite (Sarah Booth Delaney, #10)
79. Lisa Lutz, The Spellmans Strike Again (Spellman Files, #4)
80. William Gladstone, The Twelve
81. Kathy Reichs, Spider Bones (Temperance Brennan, #13)
82. Deanna Raybourn, Silent in the Moor (Lady Julia Grey, #3)
83. Kyra Davis, Vows,Vendettas, and a Little Black Dress (Sophie Katz, #5)
84. Phillipa Gregory, The Red Queen (Cousin’s War, #2)
85. Alison Weir, The Princes in the Tower
86. P.C Cast and Kristin Cast, Marked (House of Night, #1)
87. P.C Cast and Kristin Cast, Betrayed (House of Night, #2)
88. Nicholas Fraser, et al., Aristotle Onassis
89. Chelsea Handler, Are You There, Vodka? It’s Me, Chelsea
90. Elizabeth Gilbert, eat, pray, love
91. Ken Follett, World Without End
92. P.C Cast and Kristin Cast, Chosen (House of Night, #3)
93. P.C Cast and Kristin Cast, Untamed (House of Night, #4)
94. Candace Bushnell, The Carrie Diaries
95. Carola Dunn, To Davy Jones Below (Daisy Dalrymple, #9)
96. Meg Cabot, Size 12 is Not Fat (Heather Wells, #1)